I got amnesia! =X

"...... Gosh, I bumped my head pretty hard yesterday!"

"OUCH!!!!!! My head does really hurt too!"

"What??? Today is July 29th, 2008? I'm fucking sure that yesterday was October 13th, 2007!!! Oh my god! What happened to me? There's must be my dearest sister who tries to play prank on me. I KNEW IT!!!!

"...... Wh.....WHAT? Today is really July 29th, 2008!!!" Oh no, doctor has just told me when he came to checked on me. He said to me with unflustered voice that I get amnesia.

This isn't a joke (well, why on earth does I want to fool about myself like this?). Seriously, my previous 9 months memories were gone! My memory got disturbed because of the bump in my head?! Oh no... This is insane!

Hmm... What can I do to make my memories to come back? No one can guaranteed me when my memories can come back to me and will my memories come back or not? No one can tells.

"Dee, don't try hard on getting your memories back. It were just 9 months memories. It is so important to you? As the matter of fact, lemme tell you sweety, you got nothing that is memorable back in the 9 months time. You got to move on!" A voice in me has rose up in me. I was like "Hmm?"

Anyway, do anybody read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? It's a self-help book by Ph.D John Grey. It's about how to understand your partner's thinking while having a relationship. As my opinion, it is a two-thumbs-up-book. But GUYS (literally, one with penis and balls) *I didn't mean to be rude, as the matter of fact, it helps describe better*, always think it is nonsense. Seriously, they just judge a book by it's cover. Guys and girls come from every different attitude. Every different personalities, every different way of being either nice or rude to their loved one. Every individuals just express their feelings in so many different ways. The thing is, do we ever put ourselves into their shoe to try to understand them? Mostly NO. Why a couple always fight? Always think it's their partner's fault? Always break up? All these are because we don't handle our emotion well enough at the first place. We don't understand what is in our partner's mind. To develop a good relationship with someone isn't difficult at all...... Wait, what the hell am I thinking about? I am a sick person now. Why on earth that I talk something link to this self-help book, for God's sake! Frankly, I feel like there is someone for me, out there. It's always a blur image of him. I can't tell who is him. My heart constricts whenever I think about this image of this guy. Nobody ever wants to tell me about my past 9 months relationship. What they answer me was "No, you don't have a relationship with anybody! Don't be ridiculous!!" However, it's fine. I can tell, they are trying to protect me from something or hide something from me. Probably is something bad? Something that caused me sad back then? No idea.

Hmm, I feel so weird, everything seem to be like new environment to me, even though I've been here before, Niagara Falls, Toronto Zoo, CN tower and all these places in Canada. It doesn't help me get back my memories. Not even a tiny parts of it! Day by day, I feel like the urge of finding back my memories has fading away. I feel like there is nothing more important than I move forward now, rather than keep searching memories backward. If it wants to come back... It will, anytime, anywhere. Right now, the more I try, the more empty my head will be.

Whoever caused me unhappy before back there, it seems like it will be vanished in my life... A mystery. The hole of my life, seems to be good one, or bad one? I vote for bad one. New life has come. New life! New me!one capture, 9 months memory has gone!

I love Spa!!!

Contented sigh. The most enjoyable time is when you pampering yourself, like S-P-A. Serenity, rejuvenation, relaxation and tranquility. Arrrrr. Can I like pampering myself like this all the times?

Early in the morning, after having a tiny bit of swiss roll, feeling pretty unoccupied and SNAP, the thought has striked me right through my mind and I was like YES!!! Why not going to get myself a real nice SPA in Pantages Spa? Ahaks! I grab some of my clothes and pop them into a oversized tote, put on my favorite ballet flats and GO. Wheeeeee! I'm downstair and I wanted to call for a cab, but there's no sign of a cab. So I went in the hotel again and ask them to get me a cab instead. Then I'm good to go after all! "Love in this club, I wanna make love in this club...." *singing* I was so thrilled when I was on the way heading to the SPA.

I've reach the Pantages Spa and it is fabulous and every single area looks magnificent!!!! I feel like one of the rich woman with designer handbags who walking into the luxurious five stars Spa. *ahem* Obviously, that was just come out right through my mind with thought-bubbles. Anyway, I went in the SPA and all the maître d'hôtel treat you nice and gracious. I feel so excited at the moment. At least, they won't make me feel like sobbing in anytime. I feel a slight of happiness incursion in either my mind and my heart! Gosh, I need this kind of feeling all the time (I didn't mean that I don't miss my family anymore, alright? *grrrrr*). After I get myself changed, I went in the relaxing and dimmable room, and start my so-called NICE & ENJOYABLE SPA!Gosh, it's so great! This spa has develope a very own style of therapeutic massages and treatmensts for a quick and effective relief from migraine, back and neck problems. *Ahhhhhh* How nice. ^^

At the moment of massaging, it reminds me of the spa back home in Malaysia. It is way unique! KENKO-Fish Spa Have you ever heard about this kind of spa? It's foot reflexology Spa which has huge amount of fishes and those fishes will quick approach to ur feet and they will all chomp your leg wholly. But it was a really good experience. I went to Kenko Fish Spa with my mum, brother and his girlfriend. When we first went, we were all electrified while we were washing our legs to prepared to go in to "FEED" the fishes! Hahaha. There were small fishes and big fishes. Anyway, small fishes are CRAZY!!! When you put your leg in, they're like rushing to your feet like they have no more tomorrow! They happily bite all your membrane off your feet. All of us laugh-crying for that because it was way way way ticklish! Guys, you should give it a try! It's worth a try and loads laughing!

This is all the small fishes. ^^

This are big fishes which make us keep yelling OUCH!!!

Hahaha... Kenko has in both Pavilion Mall and Mid Valley ^^ Frankly, I'd giggle while recalling back these memories-while in the middle of massaging. (Probably the massagger might consider that I'm crazy or maybe she thinks that "Oh, maybe she feels uncomfortable with my skills, I need to do it better").

Don't let things get you all over in life. Give yourself some quality time to throw yourself a nice pampering moment! It doesn't need to be expansive five stars spa, but it can be a self-made spa. Go to Watson or Guardian or The Body Shop to buy SPA PRODUCTS, some of them are really good! ^^ Good luck choosing products and happy relaxing yourself! Cheeeers!!!!

PS: Go online search about the product ingredients because some of the substances might be causing you hypersensitive to them. It's better to becareful while choosing those products ya! ^^

Hold on tight

Finally, I've arrived Canada. The time now is Canada time 8:15PM. I am now with my cousin who comes from New York and we stay in the 5 stars hotel named Intercontinental Toronto Centre. No matter how nice is the hotel, it won't be as cozy/nice as my home. It was just 24 hours away from home and I've started to miss my family. Aiks. No good eh?

Inside the flight is the most torturous moment ever. Holy cow. But first and business class might be more comfortable than economy class. However, 20 hours flight aren't easy for me (but I have to get used to it, *long sigh). I'm Cathay Pacific airline's frequent flyer after all, since I've chosen Canada as my further-education-place. It will be transitting in Hong Kong then direct flight to Canada. To Hong Kong is like only 3 and a half hours which is easy. To Canada it's like 17 and a half hours to reach destination. OH MY GOD!!!! I know you do gasping too. I know! See, it's really LONG right? PS: I am not joking here!!!

By the way, When I reach Hong Kong International Airport, then I first RUSH to washroom to eliminate. The washroom was clean but one thing which is kind of NO-GOOD. Hong Kong airport is wasting water! Their toilet is using automatic flushing system. But when I went in the washroom, I've got to place my belongings at the place where I should've put them, suddenly there's a sound *SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*, the toilet flushed like I don't even sit on it yet, for God's sake!!! Then when I got myself settled on the toilet, again, *SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*. How desperately the toilet wanted to get clean eh? But holy, c'mon, I was in the middle of elimination (that had actually got me a tremendous shocked). Eventually, it was finally do the right thing, you know what I mean. Sigh. Three times in a couple of minutes. What a waste eh? *ck ck ck*

this is the so-called classy system? Nah-uhh. I think it's no cool but it's a huge waste, seriously! *Sigh*

*Fligh CX826 to Toronto has now on board* Here I go again, I need to fly 17 and a half hours to Toronto. The queue for the economy class was so LONG and the first and business class were like nobody. Hmph, huge differences eh? I was alone inside the flight. The new Cathay flight is nice for the first and business class. After the flight had departed from Hong Kong, I've watch a lot of movies and read Remember Me novel by Sophie Kinsella and sleep and eat and pee. Haks! That's how all of us can do on the plane, right? I wish I can have DS Nintendo or PSP. Sobs.

I've wanted to cry out loud by leaving my family. But I was just forcefully stopped myself for not crying out loud but sobbed.

Recollecting back the memories which was 24 hours away from now, when my mother, brother and my cousin were in the KL International Airport with me, we were having our so-called macdonal breakfast and the time left wasn't long enough (well, actually its not enough for me like FOREVER) to chit-chat (not in the mood too) and yes, SADLY, I have to leave all of them and walked into the departure hall which is in another terminal. I hugged my brother first and my cousin refused to lemme hug him *grrrrrrr*. Finally, my mum. I've hugged her the longest. I wasn't really wanted to let off my hand. If possible, i'll hug her like she's my pillow then get into the aeroplane and come to Canada together with me. How nice eh? Haha. *lame imagination* But it's true, can you imagine that you have to leave your loved one behind? OUCH, the saddest feeling ever, I can tell!!!!!

Anyway, I'm here now, which means, no matter how sad I am, I need to face the fact and keep going on. Right? This is life. Again, (sorry that I keep saying bout LEAVING or LIFE, probably the last one this time ><) why life is all about leaving and reunion and some other things which I've mentioned so many times that I don't really care now going on? Arrrrrr. Won't any of you feel sick of it? Wonderful life is being with your family, your friends, and your pets ^^

I wish all of you have a great great life. May God bless all of you. Good luck and have fun with your life! Cheers!

leaving moment

tick... tock... tick... tock... tick... tock...

Time is tick-tocking away and I can only see it flies away. Minute by minute, second by second. Try to imagine yourself (if only) you can grab every single time back and re-do anything that you think it's a mistake or something which was wrong. Sigh... As I said, if only are the two most saddest words on earth. IF ONLY...

I came back from Canada since May 26th, 2008, I was so thrilled to be home and be with my family again. Besides, feeling excitement for Malaysia foods!! Ahh* Penang Laksa, Char Kuey Tiao, nasi lemak, nasi ulam, etc . Hmm, happiest time is when I dipped myself inside these various malaysian foods.

BUT......

I left few days to stay in Malaysia, to be with my family and friends, and yes, no longer can eat those yummy local foods. Depressing! Argh!!!! Talking about eat, char bo (meaning female in Hokkien language) always afraid of gaining weight by eating a lot. In fact, drinking water makes them think like this too. Why? Can any psychologist tell me WHY female mind and mental states are mostly insane (no offend, I am just purely feeling curious about it)? To be frank, I am absolutely afraid of gaining weight. Horror memories dredge up while thinking of gaining weight. Oh My God When I was in Canada, during Winter time was freezing and icy. Walking on snow wasn't something that easy as you can tell without experience it. Hmm... Back to the main point, I've gained approximately 6 to 7 kgs during winter time. 26" Levi's super low jeans became tight (extremely tight) for me. The reason behind why I'd gain weight is because I get hungry easily during winter time and the Canadian's food portion is HUGE! Recollect back those times, I've ate 4 to 5 meals a day. Wow... scary huh?! I'd promise myself not to repeat the same nightmare again this time when I go back to Canada. Aiks....

Packing, packing, packing, and packing! I hate the most when coming to pack-stuff. Sigh.... See, this are the things which I've been pack all over. Half of the luggage shows I don't want to leave! My time staying in Malaysia with my family is so short! How can that be? Arr... However, this sounds cruel to me, but this is the thing which my parents want me to achieve and that's what I shuould achieve! Am I really happy now? Nah... But I'll fake it until I make it. Time flies right?? I'll be meeting my family again real soon. Or maybe they all come over to Canada to give me a surprise? Who knows? Haks! I'm so looking forward for their show-up in Canada like SNAP, there they are! Fingercrossed wishing! ^^

Well, can anybody tell me why human have to do almost the same thing everytime, everyday? In fact, it's for the rest of their life! Ok, I know that this is what we SHOULD do. But, is that necessarily like this all the times? (I'm a lil' bit out of my mind now... Sorry for that, but yes.. I was wondering because I really am sick of this life. I mean, not sick of, but it's something I feel like changing it.) Argh! Pulling my hair, acting desperately is how I look now. T-T

Leaving isn't something that I really like it, in fact, I hate to be leaving with someone I love so much! Even though I've tried to spread my love and laughter everywhere I go and let no one ever come to me without leaving happier. But the thing is, the more happy we are, the more heavy-hearted-feeling inside me when comes to leaving. GOSH... I want to stick with my family and my loved one almost everyday, no! It's FOREVER!!!

time is moving so small...

Strangely.....

Oddly.....

Unusually.....

I woke up this morning and I feel terribly strange, especially my mood. Well yeah, I have to admit that I being like this is because I know that my friends are going to leave Malaysia and go to Australia and I'm leaving too, to Canada. The time that we've spent together were so little. Approximately 2 weeks time are extremely short and tiny!! Matter of fact, it was totally so-not-enough for us to do crazy things! How sad!

To prevent more-causing-unhappiness-thoughts, I approach my bookshelf and take out a book which titled, 101 things to do before you die. I'd flip through a few pages of it and I realized that I've achieved some of the THINGS such as :

• visits some of the 7 wonders of the world,


• visit the World's tallest buildings,


• get a tattoo or a piercing, drive a car at top speed,


• be friend with your ex,


• watch the all-time greatest films,


• ride the world's biggest rollercoaster, and


• see some huge/fierce animals in the Wild...
  

Reminiscing on those memories which I most remember was when I visited Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada or Niagara Falls, New York. Niagara Falls are massive waterfalls which is straddling the international border seperating the Canadian province of Ontario and the U.S. state of New York. It is the most powerful waterfalls in North America. It is so powerful that the water splashes so strong and blurred the sight. I called it "mist". And of course the "mist" might caused you wet. Imagining during winter time and the "mist" got you. Trust me, you never want to do that in the weather of negative 20 degree or more, I warn cha!!!

However, my so-called strange feeling is slowly fading away while reading the book and reminiscing on those memories. Life is too short not to make the best and the most of everything that comes your way everyday. Thinking about that I left less-than-a-week-days in Malaysia with my family is making my heart feels heavier and heavier each day. Family means too much, friends are too valuable, and life is too short, to put-off sharing with them, how much they really mean to me and pursuing whatever it is that makes me happy.